At Last

Yesterday was wild… in the sleepiest way. I was exhausted for most of the day because I was up on watch from 0330 to 1030, with about 3.5 hours of sleep, and was then woken up again after a 2-hour nap to go into the office for a meeting.

I had also smart-assed my captain the night before when he suggested I stop looking at my phone and go get some rest before the long morning ahead. I tried really hard to amend my snarkiness as the words were coming out of me but I failed miserably, and he was pretty put out. Thank goodness he brought it up to me the next day, whereupon I apologized and we talked about it. I had been annoyed with myself, and annoyed at being told to do simple things like go to bed; like a child. I had also been letting the frustration of work get to me, and was not putting my best effort forward to perform to a reasonable standard. Lesson learned (that lesson being: keep. your fucking. mouth. shut, Elizabeth. After all this time, Jesus Christ).

So there I was, being called into the office where I sat, discreetly rubbing my tired, itching eyes, as my boss told me I would start training as an operator as soon as they got a replacement for my position and figured out where they were going to put me (!!!). I’ve said it before – it feels like the universe waits for me to give up completely before it gives me what I want. All I could do was smile happily, express my very sincere gratitude, and assure that I am willing to be as flexible as possible for whatever may come my way.

I don’t know yet how the transition will go, and we have a new boat being delivered in the next couple months, so I’ll be telling about it in the weeks to come. I’m pretty sure no one reads this blog much anymore so I’m putting this here because I enjoy writing about it rather than putting it on, say, Instagram and getting overwhelmed with responses from friends. I don’t get to say it yet, but I am standing on the eve of being able to say at last that I’m a tractor tug operator trainee, and it feels absolutely amazing.

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